How to Make Friends as an Adult When Your Life Has Changed

I used to have people. Someone two desks over at work, another mom I saw all the time, a group chat that existed because we were all in the same place, dealing with the same things. In hindsight, I don't think I really made most of those friendships. Life made them for me.

Then life changed. Jobs changed. Kids got older. Schedules shifted. And some friendships quietly changed with them. When I started thinking about how to make friends as an adult, I realized I hadn't forgotten how to make friends. I had just never really had to choose them before.

For most of our lives, friendship comes with built-in proximity. School, work, motherhood, kids' activities. You see someone often enough that eventually she becomes your person. When the thing putting you in the same room disappears, sometimes the friendship does too. That doesn't mean it wasn't real. Sometimes a friendship belonged to a particular season, and it's okay to appreciate what it was without expecting it to come with you forever.

The harder part is that adult friendship requires intention. You have to send the text. Suggest coffee. Follow up after a good conversation instead of assuming you'll eventually run into each other again. It can feel awkward because there isn't a shared office or soccer practice giving you an excuse anymore. You're choosing someone and hoping she chooses you back. But I've realized making friends as an adult is also an identity question.

Who do I naturally want to keep talking to? Who am I comfortable being honest with? Who knows me as I am now, instead of expecting an older version of me? So instead of asking, "How do I make more friends?" I've started asking: Given who I am right now, who do I already know that I'd like to know better? Maybe it's another mom, a former coworker, or the woman you always end up talking to longer than expected. Pick one. Send the text.

You don't have to wait for your next chapter to hand you your people. You can recognize who you are now, notice who feels good beside her, and choose from there.

Read the full article at My-Era.org.